As a new school year is beginning, I thought it was timely to share a little about my personal life. I’m a teacher but also a mommy with our newest addition arriving 9 months ago. I will not return to my teaching position this year. I will stay home with my boys.
This is a hard post to share because I’m well aware of the whole stay at home mom vs working mom labels that exist and the emotions and opinions surrounding these lifestyles. Some might think I’m cray, cray, crazy! With all of that aside, this is what my husband and I decided best for our family at this point in time. This decision did not come easily or without a lot of thought!
Why was this a difficult decision to make? In the deepest part of my heart I wanted to be a stay at home mom but in real life there are many factors that impact a family. Financially, it is a real struggle but oh my goodness affording daycare is also a struggle. Just a bit shocking when we looked in to daycare for two littles. To know I would be putting my career on the back burner and not developing “professionally” is difficult. To know you are giving your best but not feeling your best when you prepare, teach, and participate after school is difficult. To experience the stigmas attached to stay at home mommy is difficult (which I never knew existed but another post, another day). To feel you are letting people down is difficult. To hear that children of working moms succeed more in life is difficult. To hear that working moms spend too much time away from their children is difficult.
The reality is some working mothers absolutely want to be working mothers. Some stay at home moms want to be home. Some mothers desire to stay home but absolutely have to work. Some mothers are stay at home mothers but wish they could work or need to work. There is no easy answer. There is no right answer. There are countless opinions but what really matters is that we are mothers and as mothers we make decisions that are best for our situation. We make sacrifices and what my heart tells me is that we can be working moms and nurture our children. We can be stay at home moms and nurture our children. It is a decision that does not always come easily. It can be emotionally and mentally draining if there is a conflict between what we want and what we have to do.
I am a stay at home mommy for now, next year I may be back in the classroom. My family will cross that bridge when the time comes. I hope to soak in this time I have with my boys and embrace stay at home mommy life. It is not easy and I’ll admit it is not always what I imagined. I get to the end of the day and I don’t have a measurable way to show growth, I don’t have a paycheck, I don’t even have a clean house but what I won’t do is compare life as a working mom to stay at home mom because there are ups and downs in both roles. What I know is that my husband encouraged me to make a decision that was best for our family at this time and not based on what others think or those who I thought I might disappoint. And he is right. This is the best decision for our family right now. Even on those tough days, I feel blessed to be home with my babes. I truly believe, we are all good mothers regardless of a label and it’s our love and quality of parenting that matters.
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When we got married I put my foot down and said I have to be able to stay home when we have kids. And then I got a promotion and I was working on a team I absolutely loved. I loved what I did and all of a sudden I didn’t want to stay home. I felt so guilty! I worked until my oldest was 18 months old.
Mommy guilt is unbelievable – no matter which way we turn there is the “if, but, maybe” side of things!
Praying for you this year as you transition from full time work to full time mommy! There will be days that will be challenging, but know that you are making memories with those sweet babies of yours!
Thank you so much! I’ve been home now since my second baby was born between maternity leave and then summer but it was planned I would return this school year. I can definitely say there is a “learning” curve and I’ve had days test my patience like I’ve never experienced before! :)
I mom was supposed to stay home for a year and then go back to work….and she never did! It’s a decision she made with my dad and I don’t think she regrets it. Have fun :)
Thank you for the love, Emilie! Btw, I love your name. :)
I am a SAHM, and I also had a difficult time making the transition. But now, after almost 6 years of being home, I can’t imagine it any other way. I have grown, my children are growing, and it is beautiful. I was a working mom and it was also a beautiful experience. (which is why it was a hard transition for me)
It’s crazy because I really fretted over what to do, but now I feel so much peace that I made the right decision for us!
I am the oldest of three children. When my mother had my youngest sister, she decided to stay home and open a daycare in our home. I loved having my mom as a stay at home mom! I think about this possibility for myself often. i’m not a mom yet and am currently in a master’s program for school counseling. I’m worry that I will invest so many years and money into school and then want to stay home when I have kids! I like the possibility of both staying home and working. Maybe that’s why my career is perfect for me- I’ll get summers off :)
Yes!! When I pursued my M.Ed to enter the teaching field, I always had it in my mind that school schedules are pretty compatible with raising a family – home when the kiddos are home! Such an awesome career path you’re pursuing! :)
Thanks for being so honest about how your family made this choice, and I’m glad you guys did exactly what was right for you. I agree, there’s not one right option for everyone, and it can change within your family from year to year! I’m planning to go back to work after I have my first this fall, but I’m so thankful that my husband and I both have flexible jobs, and combined we can be home (working, but home) with her 3-4 per week. It really cuts down on childcare costs!
Absolutely, life changes so our needs change! Congrats on the fall baby! Both of my boys are October babies. :)
I love this post. I’m a stay at home mom and it’s a lot of work, but it’s what works for our family right now. It’s awesome that you made the right decision and put a lot of thought into it.
Thank you for your kind words! I always love when moms are doing what works for their family – that makes the happiest mommy! :)
Becoming a stay at home mom definitely has its struggles and at least for me took a while to get used to, but now I couldn’t imagine it any other way!
Awww, yay! SO glad you found the “right” fit path for you and your family!
I think all of the points you made here are absolutely spot on. I’m a rising senior at an Ivy League school, but I want to be a stay at home mom when the time comes for my fiance and I to have kids (down the road once we’re married and aren’t just big kids ourselves hahaha). You’re totally right – everyone has a different situation that works best for them and their family, and THAT’S what matters. I don’t want my kids in a daycare because my mom was stay at home with me for years, and I grew to have SUCH a love for books from her always reading piles and piles of books with me at the library. It’s little things like that that I really appreciate now being older, and I can only hope to bestow some of the same sorts of things upon my own kids someday!
Coming Up Roses
It’s awesome to hear that you treasure those memories! Keep chasing your dreams – it was so weird to stop and think to myself the other day {even in all the chaos of mommy life} this is a dream come true for me!! P.S. I’m SO honored you visited my blog, I’m a BIG Coming Up Roses fan!!
That’s awesome that you’re doing what’s right for you and your family. That’s what matters. I’m a stay at home mom and I love it but I know it’s not right for all families.
Thank you for the kind words, Susannah!
Thanks so much for sharing! I’m a stay at home mom too, and I often feel guilt that I can’t contribute more to the household financially. But I have to remeber at the end of the day it’s the gestest Joy to be with my beloved daughter daily and witness those precious moments. It’s so nice to know I’m not alone in this “stay at home mom” world! Peace and many blessings be with you!
Thank you for your kind words! I feel there is motherhood “guilt” every direction we turn – we have to do what is best for our family. If momma is happy, baby is happy! :)
Wow! I cant even express how much I can relate to this. I am a teacher, just had our second child in January, and I decided to take this year off as well. It was a tough decision. I want to be home with my girls, but it has been a big adjustment, both financially and personally. I can agree and relate with everything you said. Thanks!
Hi, Jennifer! I’m so glad you could relate – it’s really hard to put the feelings in to words! I’m so happy I started blogging – it has really opened up a whole new way of still connecting with others while being a SAHM!